


i admit i'm still watching the days go by

by softirwin



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, tjis is AWFUL im so sorry i cant believe this is my comeback fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2216778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softirwin/pseuds/softirwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been three weeks since he’d promised Alex he’d man up and tell Luke something, tell him <em>hey, I kind of want to suck your dick or maybe see you sucking mine, but no homo right? Except totally homo, I’m so homo for you bro</em> but so far he’s said nothing. He’s planned what to say, sure, because it goes a lot deeper than just blowjobs and Ashton’s struggled for two and a half weeks to articulate it, but now he’s got it down and he’s <em>still</em> not said anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i admit i'm still watching the days go by

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lazhton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazhton/gifts).



> IT'S BEEN A WHILE HASN'T IT i think this is the longest i've gone without posting a fic simply bc i've been so busy
> 
> this is an old fic i wrote for georgie a while back but i wanted to post something because it really has been too long oops also yes i will update the office soon i know it's been like 50 years since the last chapter and everyone's already started drawing their pensions bUT

Ashton’s not a coward, okay, he isn’t.

That’s what Alex had told him, anyway. He’d said  _Ash, c’mon, you’re not a pussy. You’re not me. You can do it – you can tell him._

Ashton’s not too sure about that.

It’s been three weeks since he’d promised Alex he’d man up and tell Luke something, tell him  _hey, I kind of want to suck your dick or maybe see you sucking mine, but no homo right? Except totally homo, I’m so homo for you bro_ but so far he’s said nothing. He’s planned what to say, sure, because it goes a lot deeper than just blowjobs and Ashton’s struggled for two and a half weeks to articulate it, but now he’s got it down and he’s  _still_  not said anything.

Calum keeps throwing him half-pitying looks as well, and Ashton keeps cutting holes in the crotch of his boxers in retaliation because he  _hates_  that, hates that he’s the one in the band who can’t deal with his feelings or articulate anything he wants to say (partially because he doesn’t want to say it, but whatever).

As it happens, when it  _does_  come out, it’s kind of by accident.

Ashton’s been playing the same four chords for Luke for what must literally have already been two and a half hours, with Luke singing a line over and over and over again and cutting himself off halfway through with a frown, saying  _no, no, try that again, it didn’t sound right at all_. It’s sounded pretty much exactly the same for the past hour and three-quarters to Ashton, but he doesn’t comment on it because he knows he hasn’t got as finely tuned an ear as Luke due to his primary instrument being the drums.

(He’s not half-bad at guitar though, and it makes him kind of proud when Luke and Michael ask him for his opinion on a new riff or a new chord sequence, even though he’s not nearly as gifted at guitar as either of them.)

“Honestly, Luke,” he says after they pass the two-and-three-quarter hour mark. “It sounds fine.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Luke says, biting his lip with a worried expression. “It sounds- it sounds too  _raw_ , y’know? Not, like. Not like  _good_  raw, but like I-just-started-a-band-and-we-can’t-play-for-shit raw.” Ashton resists the urge to roll his eyes, because it sounds fucking  _fine_  and Luke’s way too much of a perfectionist for his own good.

“Leave it,” Ashton says, because he knows how much Luke frets about little things like whether he should go a semitone up or a semitone down in a song that nobody else actually cares about or notices. “Look back at it tomorrow when you’ve got, like, a fresh mind, or whatever.”

“My voice’ll be fucked tomorrow,” Luke says ruefully. “Didn’t warm up before this.”

“ _Luke_ ,” Ashton admonishes.

“I know, I know,” Luke groans. “I just- didn’t think it was going to be this long, y’know? I can feel it already.” He brings his hand up to his throat with a grimace.

“You’ll be fine,” Ashton says, even though he’s not too sure himself. Their vocal coach is going to castrate Luke for ruining his voice and then boil Ashton in acid for letting him. “You always sound good when you sing, anyway.” Luke pulls a face.

“Not according to Twitter,” he mutters, picking at the hem of his shirt, and Ashton frowns.

“Don’t tell me you take that shit seriously,” he says and Luke shrugs, avoiding Ashton’s gaze. “C’mon, Luke. You know they don’t know anything; they just want to be the cool, elite super-emos whose territory we’re apparently invading.”

“Yeah, well,” Luke mumbles, shrugging again. “‘S still true, isn’t it? Sometimes.”

“No,” Ashton presses. “You’ve got a fucking good voice on you, Luke. Even Alex said so.”

“Alex  _would_ ,” Luke says. “He’s like, honour-bound by Jack’s friendship with Michael, or something.”

“Shut up,” Ashton says. “He isn’t. He tells Michael he can’t sing for shit every time he gets out of the shower.” Luke snorts.

“Michael’s shower singing is pretty bad,” he admits, a small smile playing on his lips. Ashton half wants to make it a full-blown smile and half wants to kiss it away.

“You’re a good singer,” Ashton presses. “I love your voice.”

“Yeah?” Luke sounds kind of shy, and Ashton smiles up at him from where he’s sat on the floor, cross-legged with a guitar in his lap.

“Yeah,” he says. “I love everything about you.” It’s kind of- like, it’s not like he hasn’t said stuff like that to Luke before, but he hasn’t ever said it in such a sincere tone, albeit accidentally so. He can feel his own eyes widen in panic, feel his own cheeks heat up and  _fuck_ , there goes his chance of playing it off.

“Ash?” Luke says, blinking at him.

“Uh- yeah?”

“Um. Did you, like. Did you mean that?” Ashton swallows.

“Sure,” he tries, laughing to make it seem like a joke. “Love you, bro.” Luke tilts his head and narrows his eyes a little, just enough to look somehow adorably calculating.

“Yeah?” Ashton nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah.”

“Love me like, like  _bro_ , or love me like-“ Luke cuts himself off, biting his lip, and Ashton takes a deep breath.

_He’s not Alex Gaskarth. Luke isn’t Jack._

“Love you like,” Ashton whispers, hoping the sound of his heart beating isn’t as audible to Luke as it is to himself.

“Like what?” Luke asks quietly.

“Like. Like the evening sun. Like coffee in the morning. Like headphones on long car journeys. Like-“

“Like I love you?”

Luke’s words take him by surprise, and Ashton blinks.

“What?” he says, because there’s literally no way Luke means what it sounds like he means. Luke’s always fucking up his words, making it sound like he means something he doesn’t – he’s just too nice of a guy, that’s his problem – and this has to be another one of those occasions. Has to be.

“Like my fingers on a guitar and your hands on your sticks. Like hotel rooms after weeks on the bus. Like Alex and Jack.” Luke looks like he’s about to throw up but in a nervous way, not a disgusted way like Ashton had expected.

“Yeah,” he says half-dazedly, because it’s not really sinking in, what Luke’s saying. He’s got to mean something else. “Like that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Luke swallows and fiddles with the hem of his shirt again, avoiding Ashton’s gaze as he speaks.

“So, like. What now?”

“Wait,” Ashton says, “hang on. You’ve got this all wrong.”

“Oh,” Luke whispers, small and timid. “I have?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “You’ve- I don’t think you. Like. I don’t know.” He’d had this poetic, romantic speech all prepared, he’d had a moment in mind (kind of) for when he was going to tell Luke and it’s all there, all in his mind and he can say it, he can say it  _right now_ \- “I’m like. In love with you, maybe. Probably. Actually yeah, I’m pretty sure I am. I don’t think you got that from like. Y’know.”

Well. So much for his speech.

“Oh,” Luke says. “No, yeah, I got that.”

“Okay,” Ashton says, wishing he could rip his heart out of his body just so it would stop beating and making him feel it in every vein, every artery, every  _inch_ of his body. “So. You got that. Right.”

“Yeah,” Luke says. “I got that.”

“Okay,” Ashton says again. “Uh, I think I’m gonna, like. Get ready for bed. Or something.” It’s four p.m., but Ashton hopes Luke doesn’t pick up on that.

“Okay,” Luke says, and Ashton makes to get up before Luke frowns and corrects himself. “No, wait,” he says, and Ashton stills. “You’re straight.”

“Uh,” Ashton says. “Apparently not, since I think about sucking your dick every night.” Luke’s eyes widen and Ashton feels himself flush at that, at how  _brash_ he was. Fuck, this was a mistake. He’s going to  _kill_  Alex.

“Oh,” Luke says, biting his lip. “I, um. Think about it too.” Ashton blinks.

“You think about sucking dick?” he says. “That’s normal. You’re bi.”

“No!” Luke says. “I mean, yes, obviously. But like, no. I meant- I meant I think of you sucking my dick. And me sucking yours.”

Ashton’s stunned into silence.

For one thing – okay,  _what_ , Luke thinks about Ashton sucking dick? For another –  _Luke wants to suck Ashton’s dick?_  And finally –  _what_?

“Uh,” Luke says, when Ashton still hasn’t replied like, three years later, still trying to process the fact that Luke isn’t turning him down politely – he wants to get on his knees for Ashton.

“You wanna suck my dick?” Ashton realises it sounds like a sleazy proposition after he says it and trips over himself in his haste to backtrack. “I mean, like. you think about sucking my dick? But, like. I’m straight.”

“I know,” Luke says, sounding pained. “Why d’you think it sucks so much?”

(Ashton passes over the obvious joke there, as difficult as it is.)

“I’m not, like, _straight_ though,” he says. “I’m straight, but not where you’re concerned.”

“Evidently,” Luke says. “I can’t believe you think about sucking my dick, Christ.”

“Don’t say that,” Ashton says, reddening. It sounds downright filthy coming from Luke’s mouth, even though Luke’s eighteen and built like someone a decade older than him. “God, I. Yeah. Yeah, I do. And I think about taking you on romantic dates and kissing you under the stars and holding your hand on our days off and kissing you onstage, and all that bullshit.”

“Me too,” Luke says. “All the time. Want to kiss you all the time.”

“Me too,” Ashton says, and he’s starting to grin now because  _holy shit_ , Luke actually possibly kind of likes him back a bit.

“Yeah?” Luke says, and he’s grinning all happy and cute as he bites his lip. “Wanna kiss me, then?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says, putting his guitar to one side and standing up abruptly. “Yeah, I wanna kiss you.” He’s almost level with Luke now, only Luke’s stupid four inches or whatever it is he has on him coming between them, and he can see every detail of Luke’s face up close. It always takes his breath away just how fucking  _pretty_  Luke is, the exact hue of his eyes, the shape of his lips, the little flick at the tip of his nose, the perfect arch of his right eyebrow-

“Stop staring at me,” Luke mumbles. “‘M not the fucking Mona Lisa.”

“Mm,” Ashton hums. “Wouldn’t pay to see you frown.” It takes Luke a moment to place the reference but he huffs out a laugh when he does, shuffling closer to Ashton and smiling.

“Shut up,” he says, resting his forehead against Ashton’s.

“You gonna make me?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Why, d’you want it to be?”

“Maybe.” Ashton smirks.

“Take it, then,” he says. “Try me.”

“Alright,” Luke says. “Want my gold medal when I win, though.”

“I don’t have any on me,” Ashton says, mock-regretfully. Luke’s smirks.

“You can suck my dick instead,” he says, and before Ashton has the chance to say anything, react in any way at all, Luke’s kissing him, wrapping his arms around Ashton’s waist a little hesitantly. Ashton curls his fingers around Luke’s neck, pulls him closer and closer, wanting to taste him, choosing to ignore Luke’s comment. This is probably going to end in him sucking Luke’s dick, regardless of the challenge.

(It does.)

 


End file.
